you know what sucks?
the fact that i can’t be freely enthusiastic about my love of food because of my body.
(i don’t know how many of you know this but i trained to be a chef and worked in a couple of kitchens before i couldn’t take the macho bullshit any more)
because of my body i know a lot of people will look at me in disgust if i start talking about something that’s always been a passion of mine.
if i was slim it would be cute and charming and quirky and sexy.
and that pisses me off.
i just wanna talk about food man! i wanna know what you had for breakfast, even if it was just toast. you had chicken for dinner? cool, what kind? how was it cooked? hey check out these amazing food photographs. and this vintage cookbook!! oh my christ that burger look like perfection…
urgh.
i just wanna talk about food and look at food and coo over food without it being linked to my fatness and seen as some sick obsession.
COSIGN! No but seriously, I’ve had some pretty fucked up eating habits in the past because of people commenting on how much I ate. I remember one time I was in the kitchen late at night getting a snack and my dad came in and said “will you stop eating!” so I thought, fuck you, I will, and I didn’t eat for about a week. My sister, who was always skinny, never got that, because she still looked good, i.e., thin. I even got told “we want skinny, elegant girls (her), not a fat goth (me)” which played on my mind for yeeaars until I broke down to my mum one day and told her, and of course my dad denied ever saying it. I HATE THAT SHIT! It’s disgusting to treat someone like that.
It wasn’t just my dad. When I was off school with mental health issues she came home when I was eating a packet of Quavers and went absolutely fucking mental, saying “I don’t know if you’ve noticed, but you’re becoming grossly overweight!” and a load of other fucked up shit. She basically ignored my mental health issues - if I ever mentioned it she’d change the subject, start humming, or blatantly ignore me - but this she saw a problem with.
I used to be one of those fat people who’d never ever talk about food because I felt ashamed. I thought if I ever mentioned eating it would open the floodgates on a fuck load of fat shaming. I’m so fucking glad I’m not in that place any more, and yes, I will flood my twitter with all the delicious foods I’ve eaten, thank you very much, because I’m fat and fabulous and you’ll respect me as I’m scraping the cheese sauce off the bottom of this ready meal. Which I’m totally not doing. OH WAIT, YES I FUCKING AM.
